Originally posted on my Moonlight blog, August 27, 2018
I was saddened to recently read an article on a popular parenting blog that states phrases that the author ascribes to Montessori, and I have seen them used in classrooms when the teacher does not trust the method or the children, but these are not phrases that you would hear in a fully implemented Montessori environment. The title is about helping children learn self-control, but the article is really about the adult controlling the child. This is exactly the OPPOSITE of how Montessori teaches us to discipline.
“In our system we obviously have a different concept of discipline. The discipline that we are looking for is active. We do not believe that one is disciplined only when he is artificially made as silent as a mute and as motionless as a paralytic. Such a one is not disciplined but annihilated.” Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child
“And so we discovered that education is not something which the teacher does, but that it is a natural process which develops spontaneously in the human being. It is not acquired by listening to words, but in virtue of experiences in which the child acts on his environment. The teacher’s task is not to talk, but to prepare and arrange a series of motives for cultural activity in a special environment made for the child.” Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind
It isn’t that rules should never be in place in a classroom/at home, it is that the environment should dictate these rules rather than the adult forcing them to be followed. I will go through the “rules” mentioned in the article.
- “You haven’t had a lesson on that yet.”
Somehow, this saying has seeped into many Montessori classrooms, although Dr. Montessori not only never said/wrote this, she actively cheered when students used the work themselves. In fact, MANY Montessori materials are self-correcting and designed precisely to be figured out by the child without a lesson. It is part of what draws the child to the material, the desire to figure something out. And even if a child chooses a work that is above their level, unless the material is being abused, the teacher should observe the child work with the material. This will give a clue to the teacher about what the needs of the child are and how the teacher can help the child meet those needs. Telling the child that they cannot use a work on the shelf is tantamount to placing a hot fudge sundae in front of a starving person and telling them that they cannot eat it. A Montessori teacher purposefully prepares the classroom to be extremely inviting, each material carefully chosen to entice the child and meet their needs. They have a deep and abiding need to choose that material from the shelf. I find that the adult control in this statement is based on a fear the teacher has about not being in control of their environment, or the educational outcomes for the child. This fear prevents them from fully trusting in the child, as Dr. Montessori called us to do.
2. “Thank you for waiting.”
Of all of these “rules”, this is the only one that I use. I do concur with the author on this point.
3. “We sit while we eat and drink.”
There is certainly nothing wrong with this rule if it is what works for your family. I have this rule in my classroom, though not in my home. However, my issue is with the enforcement of this rule. The children sit while eating because the table is set by them and is beautiful. They WANT to sit there and eat. They learn the boundary because when they get up from the table another child is there to sit in the seat for their turn at the snack table. It is also modeled for the child by older children and adults when they receive a lesson on snack or meals. When these are classroom norms, they do not need the external force of the teacher to be applied, rather they are followed by the children because it is how the community works together.
4. “What could you do to challenge yourself today?”
Children are self-constructing. It is not for the adult to approve of what is or is not challenging work. Any work that the child chooses from the perfectly curated shelves that is a Montessori classroom or home is perfectly acceptable and is what that child needs at that time. This is another case of the adult not trusting the child, as Dr. Montessori calls us to.
5. “We walk in the classroom.”
Again, the rule itself is not bad, but rather the implementation of the rule is problematic. The children walk in the classroom because it is modeled, the arrangement eliminates the ability to run, and they have plenty of opportunities to meet their need for running outside. If running should occur, I would calmly walk over to the running child and ask them a question or give them a task to “help” me that stops the running. I would not mention the running at all. Then I would try to get that child outside as soon as I could to facilitate the need for running (or direct them to a running area in the classroom if that is part of the environment). Later, I would reexamine the environment to assess why the running occurred and how it could be prevented in the future. Also, a grace and courtesy lesson or work on how to walk in the classroom the next day would probably be in order.
My general guideline is: If I wouldn’t say it to an adult, I don’t say it to a child. It would be condescending to say, “We eat and drink at the table” or “We walk in the room.” to an adult. Similarly, I would not use those phrases with children. My Montessori trainers would not allow us to turn in lessons if the control of the lesson was to be done by teacher, and that includes grace and courtesy (what we call our classroom rules). The adult should not be in a position of control, but rather be working in harmony with the child.
Perhaps the author thinks that the intricacies of our teaching would be too difficult to contain in a blog post, so she wanted to give some easy go-tos for parents. But doing things that are not Montessori and calling them such does not help our cause. I would prefer the article not be written at all. There is a plethora of adult-controlled parenting advice, should parents want to see that. This article is not needed.
For reference here is original blog post:
https://www.mother.ly/child/5-phrases-montessori-teachers-use-to-teach-self-control
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