My Child Doesn't Listen To Me

Originally posted on my Moonlight blog February 1, 2018

Hi,

I’m newbie for Montessori method. I’ve been trying to calm and follow my child lead for a month (now she’s 11.5m). However, she doesn’t really listen to me. E/x: she put the slippers/shoes/papers (wipes) in her mouth. I tried to tell her that is not right and dirty, and showed her the teething toys or her favorite toys for her to do. But, she didn’t listen to me keeps doing the same way.
Besides that, throwing food makes me frustrated even she doesn’t have any bits whole day. I told her couple times that it’s not right for her to throw the food, if she doesn’t like it, she can leave on the table. Then, she did again, I warned her by calming voice 3-4 times that I will take the food away if she keeps doing that. Even I take the food away, she starts to cry because I take her food. I really don’t know what I should do in both situation?
She’s also energentic kid, always moves around. She’s very attached my husband and I, even we try to babysit her in distance, she’s crawling to us and want us just sit there. When i sit with her and challenge her the stacking rings/ put clothes to the closet/ rolling balls or feeling different balls. She doesn’t like it and starts to yell. I don’t want she depends on me much.

Please help 

Two things you said stuck out to me.

You mention “following the child”, but not quite in the same way we mean it in Montessori. It does not mean doing what the child wants, it means doing what is developmentally appropriate to the child.

And the second thing is that you are frustrated in trying to get your daughter to do things.

Your answer will come, and an ease in your stress, when you stop trying to get her to do things. Rather, set the boundaries and stick firmly to them.

So, in the case of putting inappropriate items in her mouth, stop asking her to stop. It is impossible for her to do so, it is a part of this stage of development. Instead, block her attempt to put the item in her mouth (or do not allow her to have the item at all). No words. If you can, switch out the item for one that is appropriate to put in her mouth.

Same with the food, do not ask her to stop throwing the food. When she throws it take it away and say “I can see you are done eating. Next time, you can just leave the table.” No chances, set the boundary and hold it.

For the depending on you, she needs to have activities that meets her needs and interests. Without observing her it is difficult to advise, but a general guideline is look at the things she does naturally, especially the “naughty” things. Those are her needs. So give her activities that meet those needs in a more productive manner. You will likely have to wean her off of your interaction. You can do this by getting her engaged in an activity and then when she is concentrating on it, quietly withdraw and begin your own work. As time goes on and she builds confidence she will begin to choose activities of interest on her own.