My Child Won't Join us For Family Dinner!

Some brilliant advice from a Montessori friend, Maureen:

The child decides not to eat with the family for whatever the reason might be. Afterwards, the child might say, "I am hungry". The parent could 1) feed him leftovers 2) say, "Oh, I am sorry, but dinner is over now. We will be eating again later and I hope you can join us or 3) I am sorry that you weren't hungry when we ate (although chances are that lack of hunger had absolutely nothing to do with the resistance to eat with the family). Maybe you can fix yourself some crackers from the pantry and you know how to get your own drink. From a parent's outlook, I would say the chances are pretty good that if I fed him leftovers that this could happen again, either from him or another child watching the drama unfold. If I take the second approach, I would probably come across as pretty authoratarian and that could feed into more demands of "being hungry" That would turn into a power struggle. The third option validates his need to eat, yet it does not allow the child the option to dictate what he wants on his own terms with low regard for others and cultural expectations. Another option could be to serve the food cold I guess, if it was still fresh enough for consumption.

10 Things Not To Do To An Upset Child

Great blog post from Authentic Parenting:

http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/12/10-things-not-to-do-to-upset-child-and.html

Develop Leaders the Montessori Way

Excellent blog about how turning a workplace environment into a Montessori environment benefits all! Even adults thrive best in a Montessori environment!

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/01/develop_leaders_the_montessori.html

Violent Video Games Alter Brain Function

http://gma.yahoo.com/violent-video-games-may-alter-brain-function-study-170211292.html

What we see everyday!

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My Child has Stolen! and a word about parasite lessons

Inspired by true events:

My cousin's ten year old son recently stole a pack of erasers (he has been collecting them) from a Wal-Mart. My cousin's initial response was to donate all of his Christmas toys to Toys for Tots, or to make him do community service. I applaud my cousin for wanted to do something about this problem. Many times I have witnessed parents do nothing because the event seemed to not matter. His mother caught the theft and went back and paid for the erasers (then donated them to Toys for Tots so he did not get them). So, in many parent's eyes, no problem. The problem though is that if this is not addressed now then it becomes a more serious problem later. Bigger things are stolen, maybe mom doesn't catch it. Or maybe he assumes that his parents are always going to bail him out of tough situations.

However, the problem with this punishment is that you wouldn't want him to associate charity with punishment. In Montessori, we do not have punishments at all (nor do we have external rewards). As Dr. Montessori said "the prize and punishments are incentives toward unnatural or forced effort, and, therefore we certainly cannot speak of the natural development of the child in connection with them." However, if we allow children to face the consequences of their choices, that then becomes a learning experience for the child. One that can be built upon. Punishment also comes with what we call "parasite lessons." This parasite lesson would be that helping others out is something we do when we have done something society deems wrong. If children lose "television time" because of bad behavior you've made television something to be coveted because when the child is behaving properly television is permitted.

In this case, I would first have a serious talk with him about how this was illegal and he could go to jail. His uncle is a police officer and could even take him to the jail and show him where people go when they steal. The talk needs to be framed with why it is wrong to steal. The learning experience should include having him examine himself to assess how he would feel if someone had stole from him. And how, in our society, we must earn what we receive. Then have him earn the money to pay for the erasers (by doing chores that he would not normally be required to do) and repay his mom. Additionally, he should write a letter to the Wal-mart about what he's learned and how he would do things differently next time. Which he needs to present to the manage Wal-mart of the in person.

And then going forward, parents should think about what parasite lesson is being learned from giving children everything they want, when they want it. Is that a life lesson you want your children to have? I know my cousin suspects that the theft happened because his son generally gets everything he wants. My cousin suspects that he wanted it and assumed he could have it. At a young age have your children start paying for items, even better if they pay for it with money they have earned. And earning should be for something that he or she should not be responsible for. Making the bed, cleaning their own dishes, and putting their own laundry away are all jobs that your child should already be doing as care of himself or herself. My daughter earns money by folding her dad's socks. It is a job he doesn't like, so it saves him work, and it isn't something she should normally be responsible for.

Join us for a live event!

We are joining Governor John Kasich and former D.C. Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee on Thursday, May 19th for a statewide event to watch the film 'Waiting for Superman' and participate in a live webcast and discussion about education in Ohio. The movie begins the discussion about how public education must change in Ohio and the US, and begins the discussion about how we can bring Montessori and other alternative education to the rest of the public. We know that Montessori is the best, and ONLY scientifically crafted, way to educate children. We need a plan to bring this method of education to public schools in meaningful numbers. With the systems currently in place this is not possible. We should be MAD, as Trevor Eissler says, that Montessori is not even known as an option. We should be MAD that even if parents know about Montessori, there is often no nearby and affordable Montessori education for most families. Montessori should not be an education for only those that can afford to pay for a private school AND pay taxes to their local public school. It is shameful that public school children, even in suburban districts as the movie will show, do not have access to the best method of education. The screening will take place at Jane's Montessori Academy, 1375 Francisco Rd, Columbus, OH 43220. Please email contact@janesacademy.com to RSVP. We will provide pizza for dinner during the screening. There will be a babysitter for children who attend. You can watch a short video message from Governor Kasich here. Governor Kasich and Michelle Rhee will be participating in a live screening of the movie hosted by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the Ohio Chamber of Commerce. How will it work? • At 6:00pm, we will tune in for a live online webcast with the Governor to make introductory remarks. • At 6:10pm, the webcast will take a break for the movie and we’ll watch the Waiting for Superman movie at your house party. • At 8:00pm, the movie will end and we will tune in again online for the second half of the live webcast and watch a discussion about the film with Gov. Kasich and Michelle Rhee. Questions can be submitted online through Facebook and Twitter. Thank you for your support and we hope that you can join us on May 19th! Sincerely, Tammy Chabria Principal and Owner Jane's Montessori Academy - Please click here to learn more about Michelle Rhee - Please click here to watch the official trailer for Waiting for Superman