Book Review of Parenting, Inc.

Here is a book review of the book Parenting, Inc by Pamela Paul. I have not read the book, but it is on my reading list. I do agree with the author of the review about the direction our society has gone with media and toys, and I think this is a good refutation of marketing ploys by companies.

http://montessorimatters.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/book-review-parenting-inc-part-ii/

Technology and Media in the 3-6 classroom and Home

In our society, we hear so much about media and its evils or overuse. Some think the solution is to never expose a child to media. Some use media as a virtual babysitter. And then there is everything in between. This is just how we use media in our school, and we do, and how I personally use media at home.

We do not use television daily, weekly, or even monthly, but we do use it if a documentary or a staged production fits in with a particular theme the students are working with. For example when studying poetry we were led to TS Eliot's Book of Practical Cats and then those interested watched the London production of Cats. I have a student who is now in 6th grade and he still talks about this musical with his parents and he remembers watching it in class. We at this point do not use TV shows or movies in school. However, I would not be opposed to a fitting Sid, the Science Kid show (PBS) or another carefully screened show if it met the schools values and what we are studying at that time. And we would certainly do experiments or investigations along with it, it would just be one piece of exposure in our web of experiences.

We use computers in the classroom for research resources, for example, we are having an international fair and one class chose China so they watched the Dragon Dance on YouTube and then made a dragon and tried the dance. Ideally we would rather have live performers in, but most times that is impossible (cost, time, space, impromptuness of what they want to learn about). I would like to find computer programming to actually teach students computer/typing skills, because in our society it is important for them to learn and it is something they are interested in. However, I have not yet found software I would like to be in the classroom. Therefore, we do not have computers in the classroom for student use. The Montessori software available that I have found is just our apparatus in computer form and I personally do not feel like that is as beneficial at this age as actually manipulating the apparatus.

We use recorded music at all age levels. Sometimes as sing alongs, sometimes nap music, sometimes fun dance music, and definitely to introduce composers, instruments, and their work. Sometimes the whole class can hear the music being played, sometimes a student uses headphones to listen to Vivaldi's Four Seasons privately.

I feel that there are good points to media, used properly. A thing cannot be fundamentally evil, all is dependent on use.

Responding Correctly to Inappropriate Behavior

Author's note: This is a response to a question, which I have included, from a homeschooler. The answer; however, can apply to any inappropriate behavior, at home, a playground, a restaurant, etc.

"Though I am not up on much of the theory yet, I have created a few works of pouring, spooning, sorting, etc and put them out for the kids. I did a presentation for each work, demonstrating how the work should be done. The first day went pretty good. They would get the work from the shelf and do fine with it. I did have to gently remind sometimes to put things away before getting something new, but they were pretty much on task.

Today was a different story. Today they wanted to test the boundaries of this new system. They tried to use the work items inappropriately. Pouring instead of spooning, spooning into the tray instead of the dish, etc. They would also run to get a work, get it all set up, do about two or three motions, and then declare themselves finished and want to put it up.

What is an appropriate response to these issues? Do I insist that they finish a work before putting it away? What is the Montessori approach to doing that to avoid a battle of wills (and in our house, a time out). What is the response when they don't use the materials as designed and presented?

In addition, my daughter wanted to take the sorting beads and lay them out in a pattern instead of sorting them? What would be the response to that? To me, she is doing something wonderful, but is not doing the work as presented."

There are several things that are important to be remembered here. You can of course choose to be more open ended with the works, but then you are not practicing Montessori. If you are not practicing it as fully as you can, you cannot expect the same outcomes (self-direction, self-control, normalization, concentration, independence, etc) that goes along with a Montessori education. I'm not saying that this is a good or bad thing for your family, every family must do what they feel is correct. This is just a a statement so you are aware of what to expect or not expect.

There are a few things that could be at work in your setting. The first day they may have worked properly because it was new and interesting. The second day, not as much. This could indicate that these activities are below/above their working levels. The works could also just not be interesting to them. The first month or so the key is to observe, observe, and then observe some more. This will help you to see their working levels, so you can keep appropriate materials out. They could also be testing out boundaries as you said, and if that if the case, you must make sure to keep your boundaries firm. Montessori is "freedom of choice with limits." They can choose any of the works available to them at any time, but those works must be done properly.

So, to answer how to handle this. If they have had a demonstration and are working improperly on purpose, a redirection is what is in order. They can work properly, or they can put it away and get a new work. I usually give three chances to a student. First, I gently put my hand on their should and quietly say "You can work on this properly, or you can put this work away and choose new work." If they are still working improperly: "You can put this work away, or I will put it away for you." And finally if they do not put the work away: "I am going to put this work away now, you can return to it tomorrow if you are ready to work on it properly."

I know in one reply someone said a teacher would not allow a student to work on something without a demonstration first, and they thought that was too controlling. I would agree with that. Sometimes a student can pick up work without a demonstration and do the work correctly. Sometimes they cannot. If you are observing you can see that the work is not being done correctly and then you can do a demonstration of the work. A correction of work that has never been demonstrated; however, should not be done at the time of notice, but rather wait until the child is fresh. It is a blow to their confidence to think that someone is always waiting to correct them and this impedes their confidence. Also, do not mention that they were doing it incorrectly, a redemonstration (maybe several) will correct that. This is also the protocol if they are not doing the work correctly because it is too difficult (instead, demonstrate a work that is more at their level but will help them to work on the activity they tried at some point in the future) or if it is just an honest mistake in the work. She also said another teacher allowed them to do what they wanted to with the materials. This is too liberal. Certainly students can make extensions with the materials if they are expanding their skills, but just "playing" with the materials as if they are a toy is not what they are in school for and is a waste of time. If a student is doing extension work, they should have mastered the original material and then be getting be getting something useful out of the extension.

If a misuse is occurring, it may be the students way of telling you they would like a different work. For example, if the student is pouring dish to dish, create a work that allows they to do this. If spooning to a plate is what is desired, make an activity to do this. In the case of the beads, you may want to add a work that allows her to make designs using beads (not your sorting beads, but craft beads or the like), as well as a study of artists that have done just that. You may also want to remove the works that they are not using properly/are uninterested in. Redirect the misuse, but the next day the new works should be awaiting them.

I was disturbed by something in your post. You said that you use time-outs. I just want to emphasize that time-outs are a form of punishment and are NOT Montessori at all. A child learns nothing from a time-out (or any form of punishment or reward) except that they will be punished for not complying to an adult's wish. Instead, a Montessorian would use a combination of redirection and then understanding the root cause of the behavior (through constant observation) and then adjusting the environment of the child appropriately. Natural consequences are key here. If something is used improperly, they may not use it (a natural consequence). If something is broken, they must fix it or it is lost (not to be replaced). Again, a natural consequence. A time-out is an artificial consequence and no learning comes from it, other than to know that they do not want to get caught for fear of punishment. It does not actually curb behaviors, only curbs behaviors when the punishment could occur.

The Neurology of Montessori

This is a wonderful article on why the Montessori method works so well for children, according to brain research.

http://sn.im/svggf

Thank you Lori Bourne at Montessori for Everyone for putting this together!

Playdate altercations

How would you all have handled this situation - during a playdate near the end (lunch, tired and hungry kids) one child starts yelling at another to let go of a toy. kids age range form 3-7; child yelling is 5. child being yelled at is 3.

If the child yelling is trying to take the toy from the 3yo, I would gently put my hand on the child's shoulder and say "Would you like a turn with toy? You can ask so and so, so that he/she know that you want the toy. Yelling so loudly is hurting my ears, but if you ask nicely perhaps so and so will give you a turn." Generally children respond to a request like this. If the 5yo refuses to stop yelling, I would ask him or her to go to a place where he or she can yell and not disturb others (this may mean requesting the parent remove the child from the playgroup until he or she is calm, to their car, a restroom, perhaps take the child home.) If the child does calm down and is polite I would say "I love the way that you were using such polite words. That makes my ears feel much better." Even if he or she does become calm and politely requests a turn,there is the possibility that the 3yo says no the child cannot take a turn (in the 3yo eyes taking a turn means immediately giving up the toy) so in that case I would tell the 5yo "He/She is still using the toy. When he/she is finished it can be your turn. While you are waiting you can use this toy (giving a substitute), or you can just wait until he/she is finished." It is important that you do not force the child that has the toy to give it up to make the other one happy, or require sharing. One child's time with an activity is just as important as another child's. If the 3yo does share or immediately give the other child a turn I would say "I bet that made so and so very happy." This way the 3yo knows that his or her actions had a positive impact on someone. Sharing should be something spontaneous, not forced because good or nice children share.

If the 3yo took something from the 5yo and the 5yo was yelling trying to recover said item, there is legitimacy in his or her yelling. I would gently put my hand on his or her shoulder and say "Is there a more polite way that you could ask for your toy back?" Then see what happens. Generally, a child can calm down when snapped out of the fit of rage by a gentle voice. If the 3yo does not comply with the polite request of the 5yo to return the toy, then I would step in and say to the 3yo "So and so was still using that. If you would like a turn you could ask him or her for a turn when he or she is finished. Right now, though, you must give it back to so and so." If the 3yo complies (and they usually do, the taking of a toy is generally an impulse and after the impulse they realize they were wrong), I would say to the 3yo "Thank you for returning the toy to so and so, I bet the made him or her feel much better. Would you like to ask for a turn with it when he or she is finished?" If the 3yo does not return the item I would say further "You can give the item to him or her or you can give me the item (then I would give the item back to the injured party)." and if still no compliance you may need to request the parent takes the child home, as he or she is not cooperatively playing. In a school situation or if my child were the one that was not being cooperative I would say "You can give me the toy now and you may not use anything else until you are ready to be polite." If it is my own child I may say I was taking her home because she was not being polite.

I would also request to the playdate organizers that the playdate either not be quite so long or not run into lunch time, because that is a brewing grounds for trouble. A parent meeting for regular playdate groups to lay down ground rules for when you should take a child home is often helpful. I would step in even if the parent is there and not responding (I even do at the mall playground and such) because I am trained to handle these situations and many parents feel ill equipped to handle them and are often thankful. Even if the parent is not, it is still a learning opportunity for the other children/parents in the group.

Brain research supports Montessori education

From Parenting Works (www.parenting-works.com)

Brain Research Supports Montessori Method
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
By Eileen Lian

“Spotlight the good and the good will grow”

According to Phyllis Wallbank, this was one of Maria Montessori’s most profound ideas. Children need positive remarks and attention and if parents are too busy to provide these in sufficient quantities, they will resort to behaving badly in order to get the attention that they need.

Founder of the first Montessori school in England in 1948, Mrs Wallbank says that brain research has shown that it is the frontal lobes that are active when a person is happy, thinking or speaking positively—the left side—and also when the person is depressed—the right side.

The frontal lobes are also that part of the brain that is active from the time we are born to the time we turn six. During this first stage of development as defined by Montessori, there are more brain cells there, than at any other time in our lives.

These cells absorb the child’s surroundings like a sponge, ensuring that he becomes part of his larger nationality and culture. They also mould him into the man that he will become, in accordance to the messages of love and attention, or neglect, that he receives as a result of his personal circumstances.

Children learn what they live. And later on in life, live what they have learnt.

Mrs Wallbank was speaking in Kuala Lumpur two years ago as part of her Montessori Centenary Lecture World Tour. She was already in her nineties at the time but decided to go on the tour to pass along her first-hand knowledge about the Montessori method of education in light of recent brain research.

The Montessori method is based on Maria Montessori’s observation that there are four very distinct stages of development that we all go through:

• Stage 1: from fertilisation to six years
• Stage 2: from seven to 12 years
• Stage 3: from 12 to 18
• Stage 4: from 18 to 24

Movement plays a critical role in brain development during the first stage—the absorbent mind stage. Intelligence is developed through movement and children need to have freedom of movement at this age.

Sitting down to lessons just won’t do; rather, young children should be allowed to move around freely, on their own volition, and explore the objects and the world around them. Montessori suggests providing them with a variety of sensorial materials.

When children are between seven and 12 years of age, many of the brain cells in their frontal lobes die off as the early absorbent way of learning diminishes. Suddenly a larger world than their immediate environment opens up.

This is the age when children consciously want to learn and to have their questions answered. They thrive on the opportunity for occasional talks with people who are experts in their fields.

Repetition is very important at this age and the materials used should incorporate the childrens’ own interests. At Mrs Wallbank’s Gatehouse Learning Centre, subjects were not separated but were linked so that they became part of the whole.

Stage 2 is also the action age for children, in terms of gaining physical skills and playing team games. They enjoy making up secret languages, laughing at jokes and telling riddles.

Adolescents from 12 to 18—Montessori’s Stage 3—struggle to cope with the intense emotional, behavioural and physical changes that are going on in their lives. This is a time when they feel especially vulnerable.

Latest brain research shows that the circuits that coordinate our behaviours are being remodelled during the teen years in preparation for adulthood. This is a period of great adjustment, with many of the cells that were active during the earlier years now dead, which explains why these previously polite and delightful children no longer seem to be so.

Montessori believes that children this age should do practical tasks for money and have plenty of opportunities for self-expression in occupations. They should study literature, have choral singing and play instruments, among other things.

This is the time that adolescents have to ask questions and discover for themselves what they really believe and who they really are. The main stages of development during this period are divided into two halves: 12, 13 and 14; 15, 16 and 17.

In these later years of the child, language is no longer learnt by absorbing but rather by conscious work in parts of the brain other than the frontal lobes.

Cool Talk by Will Wright...

...creator of Sims, about how Montessori education inspired him and how his games are Montessori-like.